Too Big

Like any diet or fad I am only into it for 3 months. I was into fat acceptance for three months until...I got on my knees to retrieve a ball for my dog and had a hard time getting up. Until I couldn't get the seatbelt in my car fastened. Until I discovered that I don't walk, I waddle. My fat had become a nuisance. I couldn't accept it.
So I joined Weight Watchers, bringing all the experience of my past weight loss attempts to bear. What I have learned is this: I gain weight easily. I can't take a break or overindulge because the pounds come right on. Right now I am over 300 pounds. That's too much to accept. So I'm now on a plan. I write down my food and watch my points. My first week I lost 2.8 pounds.
I will still be in the plus size range for at least another year and I can accept that. I can accept other people who choose not to lose weight. But I need to get down to a point where it is easy to move in my body and I feel good again.
I think I failed on previous weight loss attempts because my fat was not real to me. Now it is very real. Too real for comfort.Whenever I see that delectable chocolate cupcake I think to myself, "I weigh 300 pounds. I can't eat that."
I also don't deprive myself. I eat these chocolate bars that are only 4 points and are designed to stop cravings for sweets. They do. This will be the trick of succeeding. To not deprive myself when I get cravings but to eat a low calorie substitute that won't knock me off plan.
It's a long road ahead. I accept my weight each step of the way but my goal is to lose the weight and keep it off, which means I will have to watch my points for the rest of my life.
Anyway, there will be plenty more blogs to come.